Stop Wasting Your Energy: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead

There’s someone in your life you wish would change.

You’ve pushed, reminded, and given advice. You’ve had the same conversation over and over.

And somehow, you’re still stuck in the same frustrating cycle of fighting, nagging, lecturing, and hoping they’ll finally do something differently.

There is a better way.

In today’s conversation, Mel sits down with renowned behavioral scientist and award-winning NYU professor Dr. Dolly Chugh to unpack the surprising science of why people resist change and what really works.

You’re going to walk away with some of the most powerful, research-backed tools Dr. Chugh teaches at NYU – tools that will change how you see difficult people, frustrating relationships, and your own ability to influence how others behave.

You’ll learn:
-The 3 things that really do help when someone you love won’t change
-The simple question to ask before giving advice – so it doesn’t backfire
-The 4-option question that reveals what someone needs from you in a difficult moment
-The relationship tool that keeps small problems from turning into 10-out-of-10 fights
-How to tell when “helping” someone is keeping them stuck
-The 2 “bodyguards” in your brain that explain why you know better but still don’t do better
-Why your brain can fight change even when you desperately want it
-The surprising role “unlearning” plays in changing a habit or behavior

If you’re exhausted from trying to change someone you love, this conversation will give you a different way forward – starting today – that feels lighter, more hopeful, and extremely doable.

Your relationships will never be the same. And neither will you.

For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-429/.

Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast

I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.

In this episode:
00:00 Meet the Guest
02:21 The 2 Things Keeping You Stuck
07:34 Why It’s So Hard to Change
13:57 How to Learn From Your Mistakes
20:16 How to Stop Feeling Like a Failure
25:16 How to Get Other People to Change
27:37 3 Steps to Help Someone Change
33:28 Why People Don’t Take Your Advice
37:41 How to Deal With Difficult People
43:25 How to Give Feedback That Works
47:47 Do This to Stop Arguments
50:59 How to Support Without Enabling
56:07 A Simple Practice to Build Accountability
59:43 How to Keep Growing Without Burning Out

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