The Emotion Everyone Feels And Nobody Admits | Social Scientist
What if the envy you're ashamed of is the clearest signal you have of what you actually want?Stacy S. Kim, a social scientist and coach, built her book around that idea, and she opens with a confession: she considers herself a very envious person. So she studied her own envy, back to being ten in Korea, serving dinner with the women while the boys, her little brother included, roamed free.
English has one word for envy, she points out, so we default to the malicious kind, fixed on the person who has what we want. Korean also names a benign kind, fixed on the thing itself and how to get it. Snow White's queen could have asked about the skincare routine. She plotted murder instead. It's the fork you face when a colleague gets your promotion or a friend posts the perfect holiday.
It's also precise. A young cellist envies the first chair, not Yo-Yo Ma, and never a friend who plays tennis, so it shows you your arena and the person just ahead to learn from. In Korea, "I envy you" is a compliment, and the newly promoted colleague is expected to take everyone out for drinks. Envy isn't a verdict. It's a map.
Her remedy runs against instinct: move towards what you envy. For years she refused to read authors she envied, until she realised it meant she wanted to write. Their books showed her the steps she still had to take. Aim envy at the process, not the trophy.
Then Kristina asks how Stacy would like the book to change the world, and spots a paradox in the answer that Stacy is happy to own.
CHAPTERS
0:00 Why you envy the first chair, not Yo-Yo Ma
0:57 Meet social scientist Stacy S. Kim
1:55 Why she made her own envy the case study
4:33 The two kinds of envy English can't tell apart
7:25 What Snow White's queen should have done
9:44 The three things a good life is made of
11:10 Is envy a sin? Guilt vs. shame
16:15 When a colleague gets your promotion
19:02 When "I envy you" is a compliment
21:53 Why every bad feeling is an alarm bell
22:58 The authors she refused to read
23:57 Why we envy people just ahead of us
24:37 A girl in Korea, envying the boys
27:08 Playing by the rules to get out
29:02 What collectivism gets right
32:40 Does language shape how we envy?
33:53 Envy vs. jealousy: why it takes three people
35:57 How perfectionism and envy feed each other
38:15 Social media and the blast radius of envy
40:38 Mastery vs. perfection
43:09 How she wants this book to change the world
📖 ENVY: WHY WANTING WHAT THEY HAVE IS THE KEY TO GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
By Stacy S. Kim
Get your copy: https://link.amazon/B0cFCoZrv
👤 ABOUT STACY S. KIM
Dr Stacy S. Kim is a social scientist, life coach and founder of Life Junctions, where she helps conscientious high achievers untangle what's holding them back. She conducted research at Columbia University's National Center for Children and Families and the Families and Work Institute, and has written for The Washington Post, The New York Times, WIRED, Business Insider and Real Simple. Envy is her first traditionally published book.
Follow her: https://www.instagram.com/stacykim.phd/
💬 What's one thing you've envied that turned out to show you what you really want? Share it in the comments — we pass the best questions on to our authors.
✅ Books with Purpose brings you the 3 to 5 newest personal growth and business releases worth your time every Monday, plus a weekly Book of the Week interview with the author, hosted by Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani.
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